I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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