oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
