I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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