right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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