Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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