i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So much rum. So many feels.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize