you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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