I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
