Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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