so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
