he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
