So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
