Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
