47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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