elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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