The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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