I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
