theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
