I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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