If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize