Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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