I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
