Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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