I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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