Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
