Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
