I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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