i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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