You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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