I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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