I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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