he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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