JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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