mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
