everyone is single if you try hard enough
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
