White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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