Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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