I heard we made out
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
