We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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