You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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