A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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