and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
