I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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