I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
