in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
