and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
