My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
