I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
