I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
