He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
