Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
