why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
