if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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