at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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