barbara walters just said penis...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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