i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
