we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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