there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
