It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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