what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
