haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
