I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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