I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
