There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
