Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize