How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
id be glad to
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
