just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
