I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
