Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Drunk is not a location!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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